Am I an Ugly American?

I try not to be. I'm not loud. I don't put my feet on the opposite seat on the trains (although to be honest, this little no-no is committed by more than just Americans). I don't constantly say, "Well, in the States...(insert implied bigger, better thing here)". I don't get upset when I have to ask for the dinner bill (I've actually decided I like this better than the waitress slapping it down in the middle of the main course anyways). I've even started pronouncing my "t's" when I ask for a boTTle of waTer, instead of a boddle of wader, so that I can be more easily understood.

But I have discovered in the past several weeks that there is one thing about Americans that seem to drive the British nuts, or at least two independent groups of mine and Edgar's friends: Straight teeth. Don't get me wrong. I'm not a fan of the Chiclets, horse teeth ala Hillary Duff. Or the bright whiteness of that designer on Extreme Makeover: Home Edition and Ross on that episode of friends when he bleaches his teeth so much they glow in the black light of his date's apartment. But I see nothing wrong with a nice set of straight teeth. I'm quite happy I put myself through 2 years of torture to get my smile. The gap in my two front teeth was so bad, you probably could have done a strep test without me ever having to open my mouth. And when else could you actually decorate your mouth for the holidays. You know, those colored rubber bands they put around the brackets? Orange and black for Halloween, green for St. Patrick's day, green and red for Christmas...don't deny it, you know you did it, too!

So this teeth thing is new to me. I know I have some British readers out there. Tell me what you think. Can you pick us out of a crowd as soon as we smile? Is this a common stereotype for us Americans? Our friends said that the reason they don't like them so much is because all the crookedness and gaps are what gives a person character. Aren't the British the ones who invented "Mind the Gap"? Just kidding...I had to throw that out there.

Now I find myself in a conundrum. I like to smile at people, but now I'm afraid every time I do, they walk away saying mumbling something about Americans and their teeth. But I think I will keep smiling my big, straight-teethed American smile. It's what makes me...me. Just like I've given up on trying to use my eating utensils the way they do over here. I just don't have the coordination to shove everything onto the back of my fork in my left hand and lift it to my mouth. Who knows, I may get so brave that I also begin to wear khaki shorts with white socks and tennis shoes, shirt tucked in with a belt, camera and passport holder strung around my neck, with a baseball cap to keep the sun out of my eyes.